mysteries of life……………….?
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?
3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not one in the freezer?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
6. If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
7. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
9. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
10. What do you call male ballerinas?
11. Can blind people see their dreams?
12. Why ARE Trix only for kids?
13. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
14. Why is a person that handles your money called a ‘Broker’?
15. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
16. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
17. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a "wet paint" sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
18. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
19. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
20. Why do the alphabet song and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune?
21. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
22. Why do they call it an ‘asteroid’ when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a ‘hemorrhoid’ when it’s inside your ass?
23. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
LOL, wise guy
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Filed under: Hemorrhoid Treatment
Ok, wow… I will be low on the list as I’ll try and answer each one… actually, lemme grab a spot… check back momentarilly.
1) In reality, it probably went like this: Man, I am SO thirsty.. hey, look at that big fat calf drinking from those dangly things, it looks healthy enough, lemme try that!
Until you are fully nude and under a piece of tissue paper, they are not offically your doctor, which would place them in the precarious position of being a purvayor of pervertness.
2) Because people like the option of being able to burn the toast should they so desire. How dare a toaster company limit us to fairly well done?
3) Because… when you get up at 4am and need to find a coke to wake yer butt up for work, you won’t usually check the freezer, unless you like slurpees, of course.
4) Well, Jimmy, the corn cracker, was cracking corn one day, and he felt his job was thankless, so he decided to write about it in the hopes that someone WOULD care.
5) Yes, but only if the corpse is momentarilly placed in the passenger seat. (And the seat is well cleaned afterwards)
6) Because the show wouldn’t have been nearly as long
7) They are too busy trying to not pee on you to take the time to point.
9) Pluto is submissive.
10) Gay.
11) I am not honestly sure about this one, so I won’t speculate.
12) Because, if the adults got their hands on them, kids would go hungry. (Not to mention, rabbits carry fleas, ticks, and any number of parasites/germs, would you want them frolicking around in your cereal??)
13) Bah, that’s the easy way out. A true genious doesn’t need to take the easy way out!
14) Because when you hand them all of your money, you’re broke.
15) Testicles. (Had to give you the obvious!)
16) Ooooh, you’re bad. But you know why he’s in the woods, right? It’s the only time he can get a word in…
17) Curiousity killed the cat…
18) No, but George Bush obviously did…
19) You know, you may have a point. People in Orlando Florida call him "The Golden Rat" FYI…
20) Lazy song writers?
21) Oh how clever.
22) Because, if you had an asteroid inside your … well, you know, oh never mind.
23) Have you ever smelled your own breath? I’d get mad too!
24) Oh wait, there were only 23. My bad. Spell checker looked at all this and laughed at me, so if you find a bunch of mistakes, too bad!
I can answer number 3.
My freezer has a light.