For the last 3 years I’ve been suffering from regular bleeding episodes when going to the toilet. This may typically occur once every couple of months and last for about a week with bright red blood filling the bowel! As I am currently in remission from an unrelated rare form of cancer, every symptom I experience is always a bit of a concern. I’ve had a colonoscopy some 12-months ago and all was clear, been to the GP on a number of occasions and his conclusion was hemorrhoids which I can try using ointment, live with it or consider surgery! Regular checks with my oncologist seem to present with no cancer related issues, but I still get quite alarmed and concerned when I see a blood stained toilet bowel! Any knowledgeable and educated opinions would be appreciated.

I’ve been researching how to cure hemorrhoids and everything I find talks about Venapro, but it all looks very suspicious, like fake websites detailing fake studies that prove how great Venapro is. If Venapro is for real, then I want to know, but if it’s not, then I want to find something else that really works.

I need help to Solve my External Hemorrhoid Problems.
What is the best hemorrhoid extrenal treatment?

Willys cynical thought for the day;

The only difference between a rut and a grave is how freaking deep it is!

Found in the Fender Forum. Probably been posted before, but I don’t remember seeing it. My comments are in parenthesis…

– The Top 15 Facts of Life for Playing in Clubs and Restaurants

15. Unless you are in a concert situation, most of the people are not there to hear you. Your music is incidental. People go to restaurants and bars to eat, to drink, to socialize, do business, or maybe to be alone in a crowd. So if you reach some of them and entertain them, you’ve done a hell of a job. (If you help, ALMOST, anybody get laid you’ve made a lifelong friend, if they get a disease, her father busts them, or <God forbid> she gets pregnant you’re on your fucking own).

14. Any volume is too loud for someone. (The someone maybe a local Romeo, the owners wife/girlfriend/mother but this is true EVEN if you’re playing acoustic!)

13. The talent of anyone who wants to sit in is inversely proportional to how insistent he or his friends are about his sitting in. The most talented musician that you would really like to play with will be sitting there quietly and will have left his axe in the car. (Don’t bother getting these assholes up, there are rare exceptions but, they’ll be out of tune, have no sense of rhythm, E- string will be broken he HAS to play your guitar, or will try to show you ‘how SRV set up his amp.’ Unless you know them AND they can play say, something like, "There’s an open-mic, why don’t you go to that?")

12. Most people sitting at a piano-bar don’t think about the physics of a microphone boom. They will playfully poke the weighted end of the boom slamming the mic into your lips and teeth while you’re singing. (I’ve seen this being done.)

11. The crowd would rather hear a terrible rendition of "Sweet Caroline" than the tastiest arrangement of one of your originals that they’ve never heard before. (Or "Sweet Home Alabama, Stairway and others.)

10. The customer who asked for "Sweet Caroline", his favorite song, won’t realize you’re playing it until you actually reach the word "Sweet."

9. Someone in the crowd will have halfway heard you play "Sweet Caroline" and it will remind him of the song so he’ll request it right after you’ve just played it. (You’re doing something right if there are a few asking, tell them you’ll do it as your ‘closing number.’)

8. Nobody at the restaurant will care, or even, hear the hip chords you’re playing for the song they requested – They want to hear the song played exactly like they heard it on the radio. (Again, there are exceptions, but unless your CDs been heard AND is on sale, stick to WETF is ‘popular.’)

7. In most restaurants, your main objective is to try to entertain without bothering anybody. (Anybody from the people living upstairs to Mrs. Figpot, your Elementary school teacher, having a night on the town.)

6. Unless you want to marry her and be the one who takes her home every night, don’t hitch your star to a girl singer. (She’ll just ‘hitch her wagon’ to the ‘next band on the rise – or run!)

5. Most of the "professional" singers asking to sit in with you will not know their keys. (More than half won’t know the lyrics, if you really want to throw em start your solo somewhere other than where it is on record!)

4. Always have an extra mic available and hooked up. Girl singers (sometimes guys) will always leave lipstick on the end of the mike.

3. It almost makes you giddy when a singer sit’s in, knows their tunes, keys, tempos and knocks everybody out. (These are the ‘exceptions’ in rule 13.) If you play in restaurants or lounges, make sure you’re comfortable with keys. Most professional girl singers sing about a fourth away from the original and won’t accept a half-step difference.

2. Make sure horn players don’t warm up on the stage. There’s nothing like having a romantic meal at a fine restaurant and suddenly hearing a loud alto sax playing ‘bird licks and scales.’ (It drives EVERYBODY crazy not just the ‘romantics.’)

…..And the number one fact of life in playing in clubs and restaurants:

1. Your slowest night, with the most obnoxious crowd and the worst response, is immeasurably better than the best day you ever had at a day job!!! (A Fucking Men!)

8 Rules of Guitarists:

1. You are the guitar player (the musician), the rest are just there to hang with a musician. That is your attitude and you’re sticking with it. (Same goes for singers, Harp players, and GOOD keyboard players.)

2. When you arrive, make the drummer unpack your gear. They’re use to hauling a lot of crap and shouldn’t mind. If they won’t, find one that will. (Online there are thousands.)

3. Make the Bass player set up your gear. Don’t let them tell you they don’t know how. They are all lazy and liers. That is why they play a simpleton’s instrument. No drive to learn guitar. (Or they just too STOOPID!)

4. Make sure the rest of the band has nice looking girl friends/wives in case you have a problem picking a chick after a gig. You’re the STAR (guitar player) and they shouldn’t have a problem sharing. If they do, get rid of ‘em. (See #2)

5. You should never EVER pay for drinks. Again, you’re the star and they’re…..well, just human metronomes for your benefit. In fact, you should never have to order a drink. This should be accomplished by the Bass player. Most of them are lushes and will be familiar with whatever drink you desire. Watch them close though. They’re not above taking a drink of yours if you’re not looking. (If you’ve just been arguing, some of em have no purpose on earth other than pissing you off, watch the SOB he may try to spit in it!)

6. No one else should have any input as to which songs are to be played. Refer to #1. (It is YOUR GIG afterall.)

7. You should always get the best seat when traveling to the gig. Refer to #1. Again, don’t let the bass player lay a sob story on you about his back or hemorrhoids. Refer to #3

8. Be sure you collect the funds. Keep 50% for yourself and split the rest among the others. Refer to tip #1.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

From Willys Jokes archives! The best online jokes that you wouldn’t want yo mamma to know you’re reading!

he also has a loud heart murmur so i dont know if thats what caused it…
he has been limping and crying out in pain and it seemslike his left leg is broken but then like 5 mins later he is all fine..

I think this may be something I have. Does anyone know what it looks like and what treatments are available?

Hello,

Since the last 3 days my anus has been a little itchy. This morning when I woke up I noticed (while cleaning up after passing stool) that the left wall of my anus was swollen, and it scared me quite a bit.

Upon researching, I found out that it is in fact a Hemorrhoid. I asked my parents to get me an ointment for it, which I have since applied. I am, however, worried about the extent of this ‘injury’ (if you may). Hence, I am listing my symptoms so that someone can point out as to what exactly I should do next. Should I see a doctor, or should I just carry on using this cream?

My symptoms:

- Inflammation around anal wall after passing stool.

- Anal wall had then lost inflammation and and retracted but it did not return to the normal ’round’ shape, but instead formed a sort of a ‘crater’ or a ‘bump’ around the affected area.

- Small prickly pains at the affected area.

-Flickering left buttocks near the left side of the anal wall.

I would really appreciate it if someone experienced could give me a suggestion as to if I should go see a doctor, since I want to try to avoid it given that it is quite embarrassing.

Thanks!

It’s so painful!!! How long does it usually last if untreated?

I am 24. Diabetic. I also have hemorrhoids constantly. It’s very painful and makes it impossible to excerise, walk, go to the bathroom. Ive tried sits baths, all kinds of creams n eating fibers. Im wondering from this problem im having may be a side effect from my diabetes. Any advice or comments will be taken gratefully.

ok theres no simple way to say this so im gonna say it the only way i can that i think it will make sense, im constipated and i have a hemorrhoid, the feces will come all the way to the hole and the hole will not open at all, ive gone through hell tryin to push it out but i just cant get it to budge, the hole wont open, what can i do

i fear that im gonna have to get medical attention, but i dont have insurance and cannot afford to pay medical bills, and what could the hospital do anyways?

all i wanna do is get all the crap out of me right now and i wont eat until im healed up,

How can i get it to come out i dont care what it takes right about now, cause i can barely sit down without whining like a girl

ok i have constipation problems and hemorrhoids. I have had hemorrhoids for the past 8 yrs on and off and now im having problems with them since im constipated and me straining to go is causing my back to hurt. what can i take thats safe for me and my baby?

The pain is so excrutiating and terrifying. Its unlike anything I’ve ever imagined. I feel like I can go sometimes but when I try I feel like I am going to pass out from agony. What can I do to try to reduce this pain? My doctor is not giving me anything to help and the pain meds dont cut it.

P.S. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS PROCEDURE UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY TO ANYONE!!!

I’m 38 w prego and been in labor for 4 days not dilating my dr will not help. Because of the pressure of my daughter being in the birth canal already I have horrible hemorrhoids, the worst I’ve ever had. I am to the point where I don’t want to eat, I am not constipated but it is very painful to go to the bathroom or walk or even sit or lay down. On top of the contractions it is almost too unbearable! I have tried the over the counter and even a prescription that did not help, so now I am desperate, I either need an idea to take them away completely or an idea of something that will numb them til I have this baby.

I’ve had itching for quite a while now and not only do I have itching in the areas listed above, but it sometimes on my knees and it ITCHES LIKE HELL!!! I’ve tried Vaseline lotion, and baby powder. Doesn’t seem to be working. I’ve also tried Hydrocortisone Cream 1% with aloe and Hemorrhoids Relief. It could be me or I need to wait a little while. I’ve had itching for about a week and a half. This may sound disgusting but I have hair in my anus, could that be the problem too? If so, is it possible to shave it or something?

When my wife & I got married she was very submissive, like a delicate flower that I could caress and water and take care of. In bed she was the same way.

A few months after we got married she started to ask for things in bed, which she had never done before. At first she asked if I would make sure she had an orgasm before I went to sleep, which I can sort of understand. But then she started asking for oral sex and foreplay, etc. I don’t like to do that, and she knew that when we got married.

Well I made the mistake of submitting to her requests, and now she runs everything in bed. I knew this sh*t would happen if I gave in, but I never expected it would go as far as it has. Now from out of nowhere she has produced a number of "sex toys" which she says she wants to put IN ME.

I would divorce her if we didn’t have a child together, but since we do I am very stressed. I drink all the time now and don’t enjoy sex anymore because I have terrible hemorrhoids as a result of her.HELP

i had rectal bleeding for a couple of years but was to worried/embarrassed to say anything about it. then after having my 1st baby i told myself you need to tell the doctor. so i did and they told me to get a colonascopy (sorry dont know how to spell it)to be on the safe side.
i found out i had internal hemorrhoids. that was in Jan 07 i was 23yrs old. now i have been having bleeding again blood on the paper in the toilet water (almost like a period but not as heavy) (bright red blood) no blood in the stool. so the doc wants to send for another colonascopy.
the first test 2.5years ago showed only internal hemorrhoids and nothing else.
so my questions are…
can internal hemorrhoids cause bleeding like that?

since i had one 2.5 years ago i should be ok? right or how long does it take colon cancer to appear?

i had another baby in feb 2009 but this one was a c-section could that be causing any of my problems?

im just really scarred and i need to hear what you guys think and or have gone through!!!

thanks

I have used preparation H and some other creams but this just helps me in the short term. I seem to get a flare of hemorrhoids every few weeks. Any suggestions as my doctor just days go to the chemist.

About 5 days ago I somehow developed two good sized hemorrhoids on the top and bottom, and they won’t go away.

On the toilet, all that comes out are short pieces that look really rough and are painful to push out, but there’s no blood in the toilet or on the toilet paper. (That’s a good sign, right?)

The biggest problem is it won’t let me pass gas right. Usually it won’t be able to get out, so it builds up until it’s really painful then suddenly it all comes out in a really loud burst (typically at the most inopportune moment), but if I’m at home I can always use Gas X. I also tend to wake up with lots of gas.

I’ve been using preparation h but it isn’t working. Besides see the doctor, does anyone have any other suggestions?

To clear it up, I’m sure they’re hemorrhoids, and not anything else that might be more dangerous.

PLEASE DON’T BE SCARED OFF BY LENGTH. It seems important for me to give you the proper background info on the problem so that you can answer it as best as possible. Please read through it and help me out if you know anything about anal fissures, hemorrhoids, or other problems that can result in these symptoms. I will greatly appreciate all of your help!

Oh, and if it helps, I am a 21 year-old female.

So this is kind of disgusting, but I’ve been experiencing some pain and bleeding on my anus. This started about a week ago. I had been constipated that weekend, and then on Monday, I was able to make a bowl movement, but I experienced a burning-like pain, and when I wiped, there were drops of bright red blood on the toilet paper. After this, my anus continued to hurt off and on for about 2-3 days (although it did not bleed again). Then, tonight (8 days after initial bleeding), after about 3 days of no pain or bleeding, it happened again. I was a little constipated earlier, but I was careful not to strain myself, as I thought that the initial problem was hemorrhoids, and I know that those can be caused from strain during constipation. So, I waited all day until I could easily go to the bathroom. But, when I went, I again experienced a burning-like pain, and there was again drops of blood on the toilet paper after wiping.

I initially thought that I had hemorrhoids, due to the constipation problem. However, I looked up pictures of external hemorrhoids, and I definitely don’t have anything like that. So then I thought I might just have internal hemorrhoids, but I looked in the mirror (a very difficult task, I might add), and I noticed a bright red scratch-looking thing, about half the size of my pinky nail right at the base of my anus. I looked up pictures of anal fissures, and this seemed to fit that description. However, I have questions for people who know something about anal fissures:

Is it possible to experience a few days of pain relief when you have a fissure? I would have assumed that it would be constant (if not slightly-lessening) pain day after day until the fissure healed.

What could I have done to get this? I have not had anal sex, nor have I had anything up there, lol. So how could a fissure could have occured? To be honest, I do remember scratching myself there on accident about 2 months ago, to where I experienced pain for about a day, but I hadn’t felt anything since then, so the two seem unrelated.

I’m very confused. If you know anything about anal fissures, hemorrhoids, or any other problem that this could be, please let me know.

And yes, I know I should go to the doctor. I am going to try to make an appointment soon, but I’m very busy, so I just wanted some background information if I could find it.

As most pregnant women know this can be a common thing when pregnant I never had before I had my daughter two years ago I have had them a few times since. And I have them now at 38 weeks pregnant. Could I use a cream or ointment.

I’m just curious. So far this morning, I’ve heard:

"Fine, how are you?"

"Good morning."

"Hello."

"Getting ready for the long weekend."

I’ve also heard:

"Sh*tty."

"Who cares?"

"Elvis is alive."

"My hemorrhoids really hurt."

"I had to break up with my boyfriend because I wanted a 5-carat ring, and he could only afford 4."

"Meow meow meow."

"My husband is inadequate in the bedroom."

All of these were said with the utmost sincerity, and without a trace of kidding around. What possesses people to say such odd things, especially in a context where such information is not warranted?

Do hemorrhoids eventually go away if properly treated? Cause I think I might have one. I was showering today and I felt a little bump near by my anus. I looked at it when I got out of the shower and it looks like a little bump or bubble. I think it might be a hemmorrhoid. I’m really freaking out. I don’t know what to do. I’m only 28 years old and this is my first time having one … if it is even one!

Hey so I did some research and it is indeed an exterior hemorrhoid (not so serious it says?). So what kind of treatment should I do to get rid of it? It would be great to avoid going to a doctor but if I have to I have to its not big deal, just wondering if there was something I could get from the drug store. (And for those who asked how I knew the colour…you don’t wanna know).
i can get that at the drug store?